Wednesday, May 26, 2004

The time for Iran is nigh

Ladies and Gentlemen, I once said behind closed doors that Baghdad was a start, but Tehran was where the real men were going.

Well, if this isn't a casus belli, I have no idea what is.

According to the Defense Intelligence Agency, the Iranians duped our government into attacking Iraq for them.

This is not all bad. No one can say that the world is not a better place without Saddam Hussein in power.

However: we cannot be made into laughing stocks. The United States will not be duped as long as strong men are in power.

Iran also plays finely into the overall scheme for peace in the mid-east. When a democratic country is established there, We will see not one but two major middle eastern nations friendly to Israel and America, open to free trade and civilization.

The Palestinians will have a new homeland in Trans-Jordan, The Jordanians will have a new homeland in Iraq, the Iraqis will have a new homeland in Iran, the Iranians will have a new homeland in Afghanistan, The Afghanis will have a new home in Pakistan, and the Pakistanis will have a new homeland in India.

And then Iran, Pakistan, India, Israel and Al Qaeda will turn their nuclear weapons on Saudi Arabia.

This is a flawless plan. I imagine that the shock waves of fear will send his Bolivarian-ness Hugo Chavez fleeing in fear under Fidel Castro's bed.

Kim Jong-Il? I know what I would do in his position. The magnificence of the geo-strategic land-slide will be so immense that he will have no choice but to stand down in fear for his life.

By the way, I believe the Bush administration has really lost their bearings by initiating any form of diplomacy with them. I'd remind them of the parable about the insane man with a loaded handgun, told offhand in class by Leo Strauss (Wolfy took such good notes, I think Allan Bloom was also fond of this tale).

Issac and Ishmael (no relation to the sons of Abraham, names just used for the purpose of the story) happen to meet each other at a wall. Both men are armed, as it is their right to be able to protect themselves.

Ishmael was clearly disturbed, his hair long and unkempt, his face covered in a swarthy beard. He muttered to a bird in his hand about his desire to kill Issac, for Issac was rich and intelligent; he was resentful of Issac's literacy, his nice clothing and civilized way of life.

Issac, being smart, knew that he could not let this lunatic run free. So he bravely cornered him against the wall and told him to surrender, pointing his gun at the insane man. Ismael capitulated and gave his gun over immediately, for he knew that Issac was truly right. By being cornered by a man with a loaded gun, Ismael for the first time understood that Issac was good, and he was evil.

So this is the lesson: the best way to deal with an insane man with a gun is to corner him and threaten him. We are cornering Kim Jong-Il, but we aren't being nearly as threatening as we should be.

Take a note, President Bush.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Well, if this isn't a casus belli, I have no idea what is. "

I accept that you have no idea.

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa! I hadn't even thought of putting the afghani's in paki-stan!

Dick, you rule!

Perle fer preznit 2008! and if you try to stop him, you get a whole truckload of wingnut whoop-ass, bubba.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sean Hannity says, "Democrats just hate America"

10:05 PM  
Blogger dorsano said...

"Tehran was where the real men were going."

No, Palestine is where the real men are going - anyone else is delusional.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant

10:24 PM  
Blogger dorsano said...

Dick wrote ..

"Kim Jong-Il? I know what I would do in his position. The magnificence of the geo-strategic land-slide will be so immense that he will have no choice but to stand down in fear for his life."

Dick, you're loosing it. We should liberate the DPRK now. This is an embarassement. I mean get real. The DPRK is part of the Axis of Evil. Are you willing to let evil walk the earth unchallenged? I'm not.

So what if he detonates one of his bombs? Would you rather have Seoul incinerated now or San Fransisco incinerated later (well don't answer that - but you get the point).

10:39 PM  
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