Saturday, May 29, 2004

Operation Maple-Yarmulke Fury

Dick C., our man in the VP, sent me a lovely bottle of carraway schnapps to celebrate the launching of my internet presence. After Renee, my current froggy food-taster (who says the French aren't good for anything?) had a sample (can't be too careful, especially with Dicky C., ho ho ho) and pronounced it 'une vintage excellente, redolent avec notes de honey et spice, vigorous, mais subtle, et finis avec un brilliant coup de grace, beaucoup comme toi, eminence, honh honh honh,' I gave him the customary slap on the nuts and sent him away.

Six nips later I was applying for a job at Mossad when I remembered, I'm already a member.

It was then that Feith called, to remind me that the canucks are Enemies of Democracy everywhere; canadia is truly the France of Our Western Hemisphere.

It was then that Ari called, saying he had my application in front of him (bless our internet age) and perhaps he could find a use to put me to. We had a good laugh about that one. I expressed my concern about the vicious subversion practiced by my Northern neighbour, and asked him if my first assignment couldn't be a little triage. "I emplore you Prime Minister," I said, "Enemies of Democracy anywhere are Friends of Terror everywhere!"

He said, "So then it's a Chavez-Arafat-Martin circlejerk triangle?"

"Fuck you and the failed-state you rode in on," I shouted back with just a faint schoolgirl giggle. "I'll see you in The Hague!"

Well we laughed so hard, I darn near puked.

I asked him if he had gotten the Vice President's little present, and he said that the bulldozers worked great, really knocked the houses right down all the way to the ground, and I said no no, the little little present. I heard a tinkling of glass then, and Ari said "notes de honey et spice."


Blogger dorsano said...

Say Dick,

I've heard rumours of a new think tank being formed in the Middle East called the Project for the New Fundamentalist Century.

They hope to transform Christianity and Western Civilization by encouraging a close partnership between church and state, outlawing deviant sexual practices, teaching school children the true story of creation in science class and insisting that everyone believe that human life begins at conception.

Don't you think that we should work more closely with with them? (oh nevermind; I guess we already are).

7:24 PM  

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